Okay, So, Classic Snow Day Story:

The four year old has no boots because he threw them in the pond back in the spring, ostensibly to "wash the mud off of them." He also has snow pants that are two sizes too small and a pair that are two sizes too big, but none that exactly fit. The intermediate pair must have gotten destroyed before they made it to "hand-me-down" stage. So today we opted for the two sizes too small pair in light of the fact that he will be wearing hand-me-down snow boots that are two sizes too big. No, not because we thought that snow boots would average out snow pants, but rather assuming that he'd probably like to have at least a snowflake's chance in the Sahara of being able to walk.

It worked out okay. The boot tops just met the pant bottoms, but this made him feel like his knees were vulnerable. So, welcome the solution of all true hill-billy snow warriors: duct tape. As I was taping around his knees, Abraham gave me the most dubious look I have ever seen on the face of a four year old.

I asked him, "Are you sad?"

Charlie, with his usual comic timing, chimed in, "Are you sad because you're never going to see your knees again!?"

Abe gave us both a look that could melt rock. "No," he deadpanned. "I just look weird."

It's these moments I live for.

Something you don't see every day: frozen mushrooms on the side of a tree:

 

And in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and... Blessed Christmas!

Fun With Cisterns

Today's lesson about Kentucky living, kids, is how much fun can be had with cisterns. When houses are designed correctly, by human beings and not trained chimps, they are built with wide enough gutters to accommodate moderate to heavy rain flow off of the catchment surface, i.e. the roof. Gutters should be covered with mesh of some kind to keep leaves and spinny dillibobber seed thingies (scientific name) out of the pipe system leading to the cistern. These catchment gutters then lead to large diameter pipes which have been fitted together in such a way as to direct the flow of water to the cistern without leaking all over the dang place, but also can easily be taken down for cleaning. As you are about to see, children, my house was built by trained chimps.

The gutters have no mesh covering, so the pipes are constantly clogged with spinny dillibobbers which I am convinced are directed there especially by pernicious fairies. They also overflow when it even thinks about raining, causing us to lose half the water we might otherwise have caught, cleverly keeping the cistern from ever actually getting full. We wouldn't want that, no sir. The pipes leading to the cistern, when not clogged, have been fitted together backwards, creating impressive shows of back flow during heavy rain. Imagine a giant toddler back washing into his cup. Yeah, like that. Anyway, the long and short of this story, dear reader, is that our catchment system is a general wreck. But! Inspiration in desperation, my friends! Which leads me to...

How to catch twice as much water as your crappily designed catchment system would otherwise be capable of in a moderate to heavy rain:

1. Gather two lawn chairs, an aluminum ladder, a wheel barrow, a small tarp, and some twine.



2. Jury rig that sucker for all its worth.



3. Practice mad scientist chortle.

Other lessons in this series include:
How to Make a Cat Shelter Out of Household Junk and Duct Tape
10 Uses for Coffee Filters That Don't Fit Your Coffee Maker
and

Hang It All, Let's Move Back to the Suburbs