slightly more serious than most

life of late has got me thinking about the nature of faith and the nature of God. someone close to me has recently had a breast cancer scare. someone has gotten married. someone engaged. two someones have lost jobs. one someone has gotten a job. another someone came close to losing a job and getting an ulcer with worry. two someones are trying to have a baby. one someone has two seriously ill family members. life is like this. i have noticed a pattern in myself. when something terrifying or sad happens, i find myself praying like tomorrow's coming depends upon it. when something beautiful happens, i say a quick thanks and, sadly often, don't think much of it again. if i were god, thank God i'm not, i would stop listening to me. i'm like the oposite of a fair weather friend. i only pray when the manure is being flung through the oscillating fan. it makes me think. God is faithful. the root of the word "faithful" is "faith." i claim to have faith. why, then, do i constantly seem to be without devotion? it's rather like a marriage without intimacy, without obedience to the vows. but here God hasn't divorced me yet. as far as i can tell, He has no plans to. He's patient. He keeps answering the prayers said in times of terror. more than that, He keeps saying yes. He even tells me to pray for certain things. why? if God has put it in my heart to pray for something, it's obvious He has it in mind already. already knows what He's going to do. so what possible effect can my faith-without-devotion prayer have? no effect on God, but that's not the point. He keeps reminding me to pray so He can keep demonstrating to me His faithfulness. it's a mystery. a beautiful, moving, challenging mystery.