the mark haley holler: How Not To Go To The Krohn's Conservatory Butterfly Show

Thursday, June 23, 2011

How Not To Go To The Krohn's Conservatory Butterfly Show

First, select two highly energetic and somewhat stubborn children of your acquaintance to take along.

Second, under no circumstances should you plan anything ahead of time. Planning ahead is likely to prevent you from deciding to go to the butterfly show in Cincinnati on the same day and at the same time as a Red's home game.

Third, somehow do not notice the neon orange 35 mile per hour reduced speed limit sign and get a speeding ticket. Cry hysterically for a little while, then suck it up and keep going to the butterfly show.

Fourth, while still stewing about how to pay for said speeding ticket, go on autopilot and take the wrong exit off of the freeway. End up in downtown Red's game gridlockesque traffic.

Fifth, while slowly wending your way through downtown, get stuck behind a metro bus in a sketchy part of town.

Sixth, threaten to turn around and go home if one of the two aforementioned children asks you one more time, "Is the butterfly show closed now!?"

Seventh, drive up a really steep hill through an area where breaking down is likely to get you killed. In your nervous state, turn the wrong way down a one way block. Giggle somewhat hysterically.

Eighth, when you finally get back to Reading Road, first turn one street too soon for the Conservatory and instead end up in a parking lot with a very interesting tree next to an art museum. Then take one fork too many off the the roundabout and end up in yet another scary neighborhood.

Finally, drive around for at least fifteen minutes trying to find a place to park, since evidently you were not the only person insane enough to venture out on the same day as a Red's game.

Now that you have finally arrived, enjoy the bonsais, butterflies, flowers, and coy ponds. Avoid the souvenir shop if you value your life.

Sometimes, spontaneity is highly overrated...